The Hogwarts War
by Professor R. J. Lupin
Summary: The school takes sides on a snow fight.This chapter ends with a cliffhanger. Read and Reveiw, please!
1. Default Chapter Title

The Hogwarts War  
  
Chapter One  
  
  
  
One day in the middle of winter, everyone in Hogwarts went outside including the Professors and Dumbledore.No one knows who threw the first snowball (although some suspect it was the Evil Turkey), but soon everyone was taking sides.Here are the teams:  
  
Team One: Harry, Hermione, Ron, Fred, George, Ginny, George Bush, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Flitwick, Binns, Moaning Myrtle, Nearly Headless Nick, Fat Friar, Remus Lupin, Gilderoy Lockhart, and me.  
  
Team Two: Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Lucius, Voldemort, Bloody Baron, Quirell, Mad-Eye Moody, Ghost of Crouch, Crouch Jr. , a dementor, Al Gore, Bill Clinton, Percy, Evil Muggle Scientist Dude, Dancing Muggle Taco Dude, and Snape.  
  
But there were some complaints from Ghost of Crouch, Voldemort, and Moody...  
  
"But I'm a good guy!"  
  
"Do we HAVE to have muggles on our team?"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!I AM SURROUNDED BY DEATH EATERS!!!!!!!"  
  
And Harry....  
  
"Quit being so political!And why can't Sirius be on our team?"  
  
Okay, Sirius is on your team!Okay, on with the story.... here are the rules:  
  
1. No killing people with curses that has green light.  
  
"Drats!"  
  
2. The only weapon is snow balls!But you can use your wand to bewitch snowballs.  
  
3. You need shelter!And no conjuring houses, Hermione....  
  
So everyone built their team's snowfort but neither of them could make a roof because it kept falling in(though many suspect the Evil Turkey).The rest of the students and Professors went to the sidelines to watch the fight....  
  
"Okay, when I blow my whistle start the fight!"Madam Hooch said."Three... Two... One..."  
  
There was a shrill whistle.Lee stood at the sidelines to do commentary.  
  
"OKAY, HERMIONE CONJURES MANY SNOWBALLS AND HITS MALFOY!GREAT HIT!SNAPE CONJURES WHAT SEEMS TO BE A HUNDRED SNOWBALLS AND THREW THEM AT HARRY!BUT SOME UNKNOWN PERSON BLOCKS IT AND IT BOUCES TO HARRY'S TEAM'S FORT AND GIVES IT A ROOF!A TEAM FINALLY HAS A ROOF!"  
  
Terrific!The teams are raging on!Oh, here is the quarter whistle!Oh.... Oh.... Malfoy crossed the line and is trying to curse Harry!But the Evil Scientist Dude accidently hit him with a snowball and made him crash head-first into the lake!I hope the squid ate him!  
  
"Hey!I'm supposed to be commentating!"Lee said.  
  
Sorry....  
  
"OKAY, I AM BACK!THE WEASLEY TWINS BEWITCHED SNOWBALLS ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE AND STARTED HITTING THEIR OWN TEAM MEMBERS!SNAPE IS FINALLY DOWN!NO, WAIT, HE SWIFTLY GETS UP AND HITS HERMIONE WITH A 20 POUND SNOWBALL!OH NO, I THINK HERMIONE IS DOWN!!!!!"  
  
Is this the end of the game for Hermione?Find out on the next chapter!  
  
*****************************************  
  
Okay, I know that wasn't funny.But hey, I tried.Reveiws are appreciated.I will make sure the next chapter is better and longer.I just wanted to get things started up. 


	2. Default Chapter Title

The Hogwarts War  
  
Last Time: The snow war started and Hermione gets hit and fell to the ground!Will she be able to get up and fight?  
  
  
  
Everyone stared in horror as Hermione fell to the ground.But as she fell to the ground, Snape fell to the ground(Don't look at me!It was the Evil Turkey!).  
  
"AND HERMIONE GETS BACK UP!THE FIGHT RAGES ON!MALFOY FINALLY GETS OUT OF THE LAKE!OH, IT'S HALF TIME!"  
  
Harry's team gathered up.  
  
"Okay, so far, the opponents gave us a roof and hit Malfoy in the lake,"Harry said."How much of an advantage do we have?"  
  
"One to ten,"Hermione said smartly.  
  
"Ten on our side?"  
  
"The other way around if Al Gore wants a rematch."  
  
"We're doomed."  
  
"No, it would be one to twenty."  
  
"Thanks, Hermione.That really brightened our day,"Ron said.  
  
Half time is now over!The battle rages on!  
  
"Hey, that's my line!"  
  
Sorry, Lee.  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be on Harry's team?"  
  
I quit.I'm doing commentary.  
  
"No, I am!"  
  
No, I am!  
  
"No, I am!"  
  
No, I am!  
  
"No, I am!"  
  
No, I am!Is this going on forever, or what?  
  
"M-"  
  
Meanwhile, Snape and Evil Muggle Scientise Dude are getting into a fight!  
  
"I can make a deflating draft better than you can!"  
  
"I'm the Potions master of this school!I can do it better than you!You can't even make a Swelling Sollution.You are a muggle."  
  
"No I am not!I am a squib!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"  
  
Hermione bewitched several snowballs and hit Evil Squib Scientist Dude which sent him flying into the air and into the cold, freezing lake!Meanwhile, the roof of Harry's team fell in, caused by someone in a cloak with tail feathers sticking out!  
  
Okay, back to the Potion argument.  
  
"I can whip up a Sleeping Draught with my eyes closed!"  
  
Hey, I thought he fell into the lake.  
  
"Oh, yeah?I can make a censored good Mandrake Draught!"  
  
Voldemort, cut that out, will ya?  
  
"Sorry.... can I say the line, though?Pleeeeeease?"  
  
Oh, all right!  
  
"MWAHAHAHAHA!YOU SHALL ALL DIE OF A CURSE-FREE WORLD!"  
  
You did that backwards.  
  
"Oops."  
  
I'm getting sick of that.  
  
"Not as much as I am getting sick of Bush and Gore being in every fanfic you so."  
  
So?Back to the match.  
  
"SORRY, I BEAT YOU TO IT!WELL, MALFOY'S TEAM IS TWO PLAYERS SHORT!OH, MAKE THAT THREE!HARRY JUST KNOCKED MUGGLE TACO DUDE INTO THE LAKE!I HOPE THE SQUID AT HIM!"  
  
Hey, that's my line!  
  
"Oh put a sock in it.ANYWAYS, LUCIUS BEWITCHES SEVERAL SHEETS OF ICE AND THEY ARE HEADED STRAIGHT TOWARDS HERMIONE!DON'T YOU JUST HATE THESE CLIFFHANGERS WHERE HERMIONE IS ALMOST GOING TO BE KNOCKED OUT?"  
  
To be Continued....  
  
****************************************************  
  
Yeah, I know, ANOTHER cliffhanger.Well, I'll have the next one soon.C'ya! 


	3. Default Chapter Title

The Hogwarts War  
  
Last Time: Malfoy gets out of the lake.Snape and Evil Muggle Scietist Dude gets into a fight.The roof falls in and the fanfic ended with Lucius throwing sheets of ice at Hermione!  
  
  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"  
  
Before the sheets of ice hit Hermione, someone(yes, you guessed it, the Evil Turkey)blocked the ice and it headed towards Malfoy hitting him into the lake for the second time!  
  
"I believe I am supposed to do commentary."  
  
Oh, shove it, Lee.Fred and George-  
  
"-my best friends-"  
  
-bewitched several snowballs and hit Dancing Taco Dude into the lake, landing on top of Malfoy!I give that ten points to Gryffindor!  
  
"Hey, you can't give points!"Snape said."You don't work here!"  
  
Aw, put a sock in it!100 points from Slytherin!And 200 points to Hufflepuff!300 for Gryffindor!200 for Ravenclaw!200 more from Slytherin!And Gryffindor is in the lead for the House Cup!  
  
"Drats!"  
  
"Hello!This is snowball fight, not who wins the House Cup,"Harry said.  
  
Your welcome.  
  
"AND THE BATTLE IS STILL GOING ON!HARRY, USING HIS QUIDDITCH REFLEXES, DODGES ALL OF THE SNOWBALLS AND ICE(IN LUCIUS'S CASE)!AND HERE COME'S THE END OF THE MATCH!BUT NONE OF THE TEAMS WON!IT'S TIME FOR THE INDIVISUALS MATCH!"  
  
Okay, here are the partners:  
  
  
Bush v.s. Gore  
  
Gilderoy v.s. Dancing Muggle Taco Dude  
  
Harry v.s. Voldemort  
  
Nearly Headless Nick v.s. The Bloody Baron  
  
Ron v.s. Malfoy.  
  
"Finally,"Ron said.  
  
Okay, first is Bush v.s. Gore!  
  
"BUSH HITS GORE WITH A SNOWBALL AND GORE IS DOWN.... THAT WAS PATHETIC.... NO, WAIT, GORE WANTS A REMATCH!OKAY, WE WILL HAVE A REMATCH!BUT GORE GETS HIT BY ANOTHER SNOWBALL AND IS DOWN!AND HE WANTS ANOTHER REMATCH!THIS IS PATHETIC!"  
  
You're telling me.I'll take over.Gore is now demanding a game of darts instead of a snowball fight, but he has to stick with the rules.He gets hit with another s-.......ZzZzZzZzZz  
  
"SORRY, FOLKS!PROFESSOR R. J. LUPIN IS ASLEEP SO I WILL HAVE TO TAKE OVER!GORE ATTEMPTS A THROW AT BUSH BUT HE MISSES BY A MILE!GORE WANTS A RETHROW!THE MATCH IS OVER BECAUSE IT IS TAKING TOO LONG, SO NEXT IS GILDEROY V.S. DANCING MUGGLE TACO DUDE!OH NO, IT'S ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER!"  
  
Don't you hate us?  
  
To be Continued.... 


	4. Default Chapter Title

The Hogwarts War  
  
Last Time: The Evil Turkey interferes and Malfoy gets hit in the lake.All of the houses except Slytherin gets loads of points and the indivisual battles began.  
  
  
  
Okay, it is 20 below zero and the lake is mysteriously ice-free.  
  
"Yeah, and you better make sure Malfoy gets into the lake or I would have been doing this for nothig."  
  
Evil Turkey, if you don't get off Hogwarts grounds I'll make sure you fall into the lake and get speared by the merpeeps!It is now Gilderoy versus Dnacing Muggle Taco Dude.Who will come victorious?  
  
"OKAY!THE TWO COMPETETORS THROWS SNOWBALLS, THE SNOWBALLS HIT EACH OTHER AND NO ONE GETS HIT.....SAME THING HAPPENS..... IT HAPPENS AGAIN.....AGAIN.... ZzZZzZzZzZzZz......"  
  
WAKE UP YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
"ZzZzZzZzZzZzZz.........."  
  
~_^ Okay..... -_-' I will have to take over.IT HAPPENS AGAIN.... AGAIN.... AGAIN.... *by now has chewed seven-seven peices of gum and drank one hundred glasses of delicious hot chocolate* Lets call it a draw!It's Harry against Voldemort.  
  
"Muwahahahahaha!"  
  
No wands.  
  
"censored!"  
  
No cursing.  
  
"censored!"  
  
O'_'O I SAID CO CURSING!!!!! *kicks Voldemort to Mars* Harry wins.Next is Nearly Headless Nick v.s. The Bloody Baron!  
  
"OKAY, I'M AWAKE!THE BLOODY BARON AIMS A PUNCH BUT IT GOES RIGHT THROUGH NICK!NICK THROWS A SNOWBALL BUT IT GOES RIGHT THROUGH THE BARON!"  
  
Oh for crying out loud!Let's call it a draw!Ron and Malfoy!  
  
"He better get in the lake!"  
  
Oh shut up Evil Turkey.I promise he will.  
  
"RON AND MALFOY DROP THEIR SNOWBALLS AND START RUNNING TOWARDS EACH OTHER!THEY PUNCH AND KICK.... BOTH OF THEM ARE DISQUALIFIED!"  
  
I guess it's all a draw.Oh well, the good side wins!  
  
"You promised...."  
  
*kicks Malfoy in the lake*  
  
Evil Turkey: *turns lake into ice*  
  
Harry: I hope he drowns.So whats our prize for winning?  
  
This.  
  
THE END! *Star Wars music goes on*  
  
In a magic school far, far away.... * music stops*  
  
*kicks Ron to Pluto*  
  
I have been wanting to do that all day! 


End file.
